Crazy aunties

The house that I moved into at Geylang Sims Avenue was previously occupied by my grandma, uncles and aunties. They were in their teens then, the youngest being eight or more years older than I was. Their family background is a bit complicated. I call them my uncles and aunties but they were actually my mom's adopted family. My mother's parents perished soon after the war and she was left in the care of a good friend of her mom's. In those uncertain times back then, it was normal to have sworn sisters and brothers so you could guarantee some future for your own children should something untoward happened to you. My uncles and aunties real parents also passed away early in that Geylang house, why subsequently, the tenants after us would complain that it was terribly haunted. They would often see a man and woman in their 40s appear in the hallways. Perhaps that one time when I saw a pair of ghosts was actually them. My aunties' mom passed away because of cancer. So her sister-in-law took over as mother to her children. They all treated her like a mother but called her say ku or fourth aunt. Into this mix was an aunty from my father's side. She stayed with us for a while. Her stay didn't last long because she was mentally insane. My mom often told us how at certain times of the month, this aunt would remove her sanitary pad and showed it around, asking (in Cantonese): "Eh, why like that?" Even when you were busy cooking over a wok. This brood of uncles and aunties from my mother's side consisted of three sons and two sisters. There was another son but he committed suicide with his girlfriend soon after his parents disapproved of them dating. Back then parents were very strict about dating while still in school. It was a pity because that boy was a brilliant student. The other boys were also a studious lot and loved to read and play chess. The eldest seemed to have the greatest potential and my mom was asked to sacrificed her own studies so she could work and help send him and the others to school. She shouldn't have because he was quite the ingrate, never quite repaying my mom for her sacrifice. My mom was intelligent so she could have made something more of herself if she had the chance to finish school. In those days, studious people tended to have a rather narrow outlook in life. Often with poor people skills and most times think the world should all behave in a certain way. I think he took it as a right that people helped him through school. Unlike my uncles, my eldest aunt was a talkative person who was witty and had an opinion on almost any subject. She was the one who dated this guy from the nearby tailorshop and who drove a Mini. We often accompanied her as little chaperons. One day, at our home, she ushered us children into a room. It must have be a Chinese New Year holiday or something because we had other children visiting also. We thought she was going to teach us a new game or tell us a story. Instead she whipped out her cigarettes and proceeded to light one up. "Take a puff," she said, handing the cigarette to me. Whoah, I said, aloud in my own head, and then, "Is this really happening?" My dad smoked but he was very adamant that we didn't. So I had always been curious about what smoking was like. Many a times, when my dad sent me out to buy cigarettes, I was tempted to light one up but didn't. The closest was to put one to my lips and pretended. Finally given the opportunity, I took the cigarette from my aunt and took a puff. I think I choked and coughed almost immediately. Tears also streamed from my eyes. It was terrible! The other kids took turns to puff. Our decision was unanimous: Smoking tasted awful! How could anyone smoke such a foul thing! My aunt laughed and took back what left of the cigarette. "See," she said. "This is why you all shouldn't smoke." I think she made her point that day. I am grateful because that unpleasant moment of smoking stuck with me forever. And why I never was ever tempted to even start. Not in school, not in the army during NS. The only thing I tried a few times was a cigar, and that was because it was a bit of a craze in the late 90s, together with wine appreciation. That was when even girls tried smoking it. So I was only five when I started smoking and stopped. Another aunty that was rather atypical was this lady who was a good friend of my mom. She lived in Bedok along Lor Haji. Her husband was a pharmaceutical rep so they were pretty well-off. They stayed in a single-storeyed bungalow not far from a big kampong there. Going to their place was like trekking in the jungle. And because the house was surrounded by vegetation, mosquitoes abound after sundown. We often had to take a cab there. This aunty had a daughter. I always remember her as someone very pale and skinny. According to my mom, she was always having terrible periods, why she often looked pale and weak. The last time I saw her was at a Pre-U seminar in the old Nanyang University campus. I wonder how she is doing now. If she still looked as pale as a vampire and if she still suffered from menorrhagia. Kind of ironic and tragic for a vampire to suffer from that, actually. I think a reason for her being so weak could be that her mom had not wanted her in the first place. When she was pregnant with this 'cousin' of mine, she actually wanted to abort the child. Apparently she and her hubby didn't get on very well. He travelled often because of his work and she didn't quite like that. This aunty was rather pretty in a vivacious way. She had one of those beehive hairdos popular with many Hong Kong actresses then, coiffure as worn by Siu Fong Fong and Chan Poh Chu. She also liked to dress in designer pant suits, altogether a rather happening chick in those days. The way she went about her abortion was classic. Instead of going to a doctor about it, she decided to climb and jump off a coconut tree. Staying near a big kampong like the one in Jalan Haji in Bedok meant she was not short of coconut trees to choose from. And she did. She also ate pineapple as was common folklore then. In the end, I don't know what happened, but my 'cousin' was born. She was a sickly baby and grew up so. The only consolation was that her dad dealt in drugs and could offer medication for her condition. My aunties also kind of adopted us as godchildren. The eldest aunty doted on my brother and the younger aunty wanted to do likewise with me. But I had have enough of crazy aunties and resisted. Besides, she was too nice and pretty. And too young. Not aunty material at all. Nope.